Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
