Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
