just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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