Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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