Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
