can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
