i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
