I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
