Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
