I will die if light touches me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
