so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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