I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
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I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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