If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
