I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
