I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
