How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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