your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
