She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
