Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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