what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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