I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
