our cab driver is having phone sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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