I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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