i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
