chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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