I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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