shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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