If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
