Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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