i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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