When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
