Ambien. No doubt about it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
