i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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