Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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