My liver just broke up with me...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
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You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize