Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
