swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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