Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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