i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
