If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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