u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
