No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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