This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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