I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
