What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
