how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
