if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
