I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
