She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
