How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
