:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Come on in and take your pants off
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