I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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