maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
