i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
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I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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