It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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