My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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