that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently you make a good broom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
