I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
