I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
