he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
