so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
