What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
