Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
