I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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