Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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