I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
