Got a toothbrush?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
