Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
