I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
