A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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